you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize