I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Are my feet made of real feet?
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I smell like Dick and happiness
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