is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
