With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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