Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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