Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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