I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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