your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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