Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
