I didn't shave. On purpose
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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