I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
