That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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