I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
