he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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