I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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