That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
