drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
