This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
