can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
