why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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