I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
