I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
