I will die if light touches me.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
