when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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