It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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