you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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