Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
