You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
