Soap is not a condiment
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sext me about skeletons
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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