Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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