I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
