remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
