I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
