btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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