So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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