All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
