3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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