did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We don't watch enough power rangers
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
