everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
