He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
