apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
