I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
