he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
