the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
