Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
