Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
