yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
