even my farts smell like vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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