Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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