does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
