Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
