i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
