there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So apparently I’m into choking now
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