he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
