I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
