my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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