maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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