im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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