That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
