If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
