Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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