Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
