her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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