You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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