i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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