tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
