Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
